Stephen Family Updates

Kami goes Circus

2011-06-20T15:06:00.000-07:00

Have a look at the link for Kami's Trapeze act. She had an opportunity in May to do trapeze lessons at the Santa Monica Pier and the class culminated in "the catch" with Spidey. Great job Kami!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iDkni7o3ZoI

Kami chilling to Utah

2011-06-20T14:38:00.001-07:00

Can a dad brag about how beautiful his little girl is?

What to do?

2011-06-20T14:17:00.000-07:00

Summer is here and the kids are out of school. Kids love summer, parents struggle with it. So much free time to occupy the kids and boy, do I wish we had a pool to pass the time. Last Saturday Dad drove all four kids up to Utah and left the van, and four kids, behind! Aunt April has a house up in Midway for the next four weeks and invited everyone to come up. Cousin time with more kids than you can imagine.

All the kids were so excited to see their cousins and after day one they have already gone fishing, hiking, and swimming. I think the kids will fair well together but I'm concerned about myself. I'm home all alone in this quiet, big house and I can't remember the last time its been like this? Never? I'm excited to get some things done around the house and do some journaling of Bri's last couple months, but I already miss the kids more than I could have imagined. They're my little partners in life and I can't wait to get them back.

Hope everyone's ready for summer and has great trips planned. Keep in touch!

SixStephens

Service Update!!

2011-05-09T20:24:00.000-07:00

We have changed the Saturday, May 14th service start time to 10 A.M. to accommodate those who will be traveling in to Simi valley. We are excited to see family and friends!

SixStephens

Memorial Service Information

2011-05-08T19:15:00.000-07:00

Roseville/Sacramento Area:

Wednesday, May 11th @ 6 P.M. to 8 P.M. open house at the Stephen residence located at 1400 Barnwood Ln in Roseville. This will be an informal gathering for the Stephen family to thank local friends and family.

Main Service, Simi Valley CA:

Saturday, May 14th @ 9 A.M. service held at the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints building located at 480 Sinaloa Rd Simi Valley CA.

For anyone traveling from out of town and requiring accomodations, local families have made homes available. Please contact Kim Fortuna at 805-732-8709 or kfortunarn@gmail.com .

2011-05-06T19:37:00.000-07:00

Briana Shuri Boulter Stephen
September 9, 1979-May 6, 2011

Briana passed away on Friday, May 6, 2011. Because of her determination and strong will she fought a valiant fight against cancer. When doctors said she would only live 3-6 months she fought and lived a life filled with joy and service for others for 2 ½ years. However, due to her never failing faith in the Lord, Jesus Christ she knew that she was needed on the other side. She never hesitated to answer yes to the call.

Her heart broke to leave her amazing children and wonderful husband but she knew that the Lord would take care of them here. Briana was a great example of a Christ-like person. She was someone that we all strive to be like and we can’t wait until the day that we are able to hold her in our arms again. We are grateful for the blessing of eternal families and are so excited that she finally has the healthy and whole body that she has been longing to have. Briana will live forever in all of our memories.

Final details for memorial services will be posted in the coming days:

For those in Roseville, an open house will be held at the Stephen residence 1400 Barnwood Ln., Roseville, CA 95747 this Wednesday, May 11th from 6 P.M. to 8 P.M. Anyone is welcome.

A memorial service in her honor will be held in Simi Valley, CA on the morning of May 14, 2011 at a time and location to be posted later.

We will remember you always Bri ... Mother, Wife, and an example to us all.

Love,

SixStephens

Cinco de Mayo Update

2011-05-05T23:05:00.000-07:00

Buenos Dias Amigos,

Here we are a week later and many developments have occurred with Bri. I wanted to give a quick update on her status. First, I want to share that Bri is comfortable, well taken care of, and receiving lots of attention and love from the family. Every day this week Bri has experienced heavy declines in health that have led her to a non-responsive state. Unfortunately we are not able to communicate with her but she is in peace and we know she can feel our presence. We pray for the miracle that she'll be able to quickly and peacefully return to her Father in Heaven.

We will continue to post immediate updates on the site and are always thankful to those families and individuals who steadfastly support us in this challenging time.

Love the SixStephens

April 27th Update

2011-04-27T23:04:00.000-07:00

Hope everyone had a wonderful Easter weekend! We appreciate all those who continue to follow the blog and inquire on Bri's current condition.

We have a decorative statement in our living room that says "Don't count the days but make the days count." Unfortunately we feel our days grow short in having Mom around the house with us and we fight to bring her comfort and peace each day. We have been successful in stabilizing her pain through the care of hospice and her Mom Teri, who has been a stalwart caretaker in even the most difficult days. There are many undesirable errands and preparations we have been working through and Teri has not hesitated to carry out many of these tasks for me and the family, along with many other responsibilities.

Last Sunday we decided to place Bri on a scale to monitor her weight loss. She tipped the scales at 76 lbs. She is now 100% bedridden, heavily sedated, and her favorite past time is dreaming. I just put her in bed from a bathroom break and she said, “Why are the cops after us?” We get a lot of good laughs at some of the things she says. However her speech and mental processing are heavily degraded at this point and conversations are something that have found their horizons. Her communications are limited to pain and bathroom breaks. She also has no appetite and is no longer eating any food, just water.

One trait that caught my eye when I met Bri is her unrivaled ‘resolve.’ Only Leyna can match it! With the stroke spasticity and muscle weakness she cannot get herself out of bed or ambulate, yet she refuses to accept this fact. For example, yesterday she tried to get out of bed on her own and took a tumble that resulted in a cut to the bridge of her nose. We try to explain that she cannot get up due to her weakness but her resolve and will are two character traits she has not given up … and in a weird way it makes me proud of her.

This journey has been equally long for our family and friends as it has been for the Stephen Family. Monday, November 3rd, 2008 is when this story began. Thank YOU for enduring this story of faith with us. If you stand against your measuring stick, Bri and I hope you find yourself a little taller after knowing her story.

The Stephens

Bri Update

2011-04-07T19:44:00.000-07:00

Hello friends and family! We continue to receive overwhelming support and well wishes in all different ways from so many people. The past couple weeks we have focussed on addressing Bri's pain management, nausea, and constipation in order to find her the most comfort as possible. We could probably open a small pharmacy with all the product we have in the home. Somehow Bri's Marinol seems to be a 'guest favorite' and disappears quicker than the rest of her drugs (Dad is not guilty!).

Bri sleeps most of the day while laying in bed or the couch due to the pelvic pain and sedation from pain medications. Though her speech and vision are slowly deteriorating, we still find some good times during the day where we can spend quality time with her.

Losing some of her independency has been one of her biggest challenges, and for those of you that know her feisty personality, you can certainly understand this. She overestimates her physical and cognitive abilities and we have to keep a close eye on her. But the kids, Teri, and other wonderful friends have all been fantastic caretakers with love and patience for the situation. We carry on and thank everyone for their continued support and well wishes.

(Photo below: 4/4 Kami's B-Day with Mom)

Kids Go to Reno to Win Big!!

2011-04-07T19:20:00.000-07:00

Last weekend Dad took the kids to Reno to play for the weekend at the Sierra Grand Resort. Though the pool was still closed for the season, on the agenda was bowling, outdoor slick track cars, RC dirt cars, bull riding, arcade, laser tag, etc. Kids did not appreciate when Dad wanted to head back to the room for a Saturday nap as Leyna proclaimed that as "boring." Exactly Leyna! Sometimes boring is exactly what is needed. Nonetheless, everyone survived and had a good time.

Kade 'Rocks'

2011-03-22T17:52:00.000-07:00

Kaden has always had an astounding attention span for a kid and has been putting that to good use over the past couple of weeks. He has used YouTube and books to give himself guitar lessons and learn how to write some sheet music. Click on the link to hear a demo clip and see if you can follow along with the songs.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCyah7SVPGg

Thank You ... Again!

2011-03-22T09:41:00.000-07:00

Recently we have had many people inquire as to how they can financially give to help Briana and her medical needs. An account has been established if someone wishes to donate or contribute in this way. I was hesitant to place such a posting as this is not a solicitation for funds but rather a place to where we can refer people when information is requested.

Bank:: Wells Fargo
Acct #:: 6175041471

The support in so many ways continues to pour in. Between meals, cards, flowers, and so much more, we are continually uplifted. Contrary to what anyone might share, there is much good in the world today, and much has come to us through complete strangers. Many friends from my old company at Takeda recently rallied together to help our family and that was a special thing for us. Thank you so much!

2011-03-20T19:29:00.000-07:00

Weekend Visitors :: Bateman's!!

2011-03-14T07:38:00.000-07:00

This weekend the Bateman's took the six hour plunge to drive up to Roseville for a family visit. Leyna couldn't wait to have a make-up party with their two little girls, Crystal and Ashlyn. We had a wonderful time catching up with their family who has been very close with us in the cancer battle the past two years. We also appreciate all the families from Simi that sent items for Bri, including two loaves of Papa Lowe's fresh baked bread. Score!Thursday, March 31, 2011 – Visitors, Visitors - I am at the point of embarrassing myself because my speech is slower, I am dragging my words, constantly walking into walls, dragging my feet…it’s miserable. After the Stephen party left, it was nice for us to have the company of Bishop Bateman and his family. Then April and Heather came to visit. They are always funny! They left and the following day, Margaret and Marcella drove in from Simi Valley. Wouldn’t you know it, the very day Margaret left, Serena flew in from Oklahoma. Let the fun continue!

Walking In The Unknown

2011-03-13T16:49:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone! Bri and I are sitting on the bed together and wanted to update the blog with the recent events. I'm gun-shy to blog since I know how well my wife writes. I'm a B or B- English student so work with me! Nevertheless, she no longer has the ability to update the blog due to her condition but it remains the best communication tool to family and friends.

We've enjoyed the last month seeing a variety of family and friends who have visited. We have certainly been the recipients of delicious and beautiful gifts. The goodness of people continues to amaze our family.

The last two Fridays have been eventful for us. On March 4th, Teri had to rush Bri into Sutter Emergency Room after she started experiencing a loss of faculties such as speech, memory, and awareness. It looks like Bri experienced another T.I.A. (mini-stroke) but nothing was conlcusive. After some tests at the hospital, they decided nothing could be done and she was sent back home. We were greatful that Mark and Gary were traveling up to Roseville and were able to make it to the hospital to help Teri in the ER.

Then, this past Friday we had an appointment with Dr. Tanaka to review the lastest scans. We had a hunch about the results due to the increased pain over the past couple weeks. The doctor walked us through the scans and compared them side by side to scans from December which showed a "marked increase in tumor growth." Cancer continues to spread in the brain, lungs, liver, pelvic area, sternum, and intestines. Unfortunately, its becoming simpler to state where the cancer is not. Most of our time with the physician was spent on strategizing how to manage pain, nausea, and constipation. We have become mindful on how and when to use the proper pain medications to balance relief, yet preserve some alertness so Bri can still have interaction with the family.

With the heavy pain medications needed, Bri sleeps the majority of the day. She is able to awake for an hour here and there to eat, medicate, and be with the kids. Then she weakens and we force her back to bed. She tells me most of her thoughts are clear but she has difficulty in speaking them and her clarity is becoming more challenged. We are continued to be blessed with wonderful family and friends who help in a variety of ways and feel like we have the needed resources to properly care for her.

As we walk into the unknown in these coming weeks and months, we continue to have faith in our Lord and his plan for our family. One of the most humbling experiences for me this weekend was when I individually sat down and talked with Kaden and Kambria about Mom's condition and our latest scan results. Kaden was quick to tell me that he wants to be an example to the other kids in how he reacts to Mom's situation. Then I observe him scratching Mom's back, getting her small comforts, and being so gentle with her. The most common question I receive is "how are the kids doing." Well, as heaven would have it, the children are teaching Dad how to deal with things. Their little spirits are full of love, acceptance, and more understanding of faith and trust than we give them credit for. But what else would you expect from kids with such an amazing Mother. Their strength and understanding is amazing.

Thank you again to all those who have contributed to our family in any way. We love you all and will continue to keep you posted. -Eric

Ouch

2011-02-21T11:50:00.000-08:00

I think the worst thing about cancer is the pain, which has a snowball effect: discomfort, pain pills, drowsiness, side effects. The long term effect is my change of personality and not being able to convey the person inside. I don't have capabilities to serve the way I want to, I can't talk or laugh like I used to, I don't even have energy to sit here and talk. Most of all, I feel most upset about not being able to mother and teach the way I want to. I need a change to happen swiftly, in one direction or another. I know that an extension of life or a passing that will reunite me with God and loved ones are both blessings. I just need a change soon.

Many people fight such battles much longer than me, but 2 1/2 years feels endless to me. My heart reaches out to all those who join us in praying for a swift change. Also, to the Activity Day girls who heart attacked our front door and left bouquets of love notes, I thank you. My gratitude goes out to the large number of meals brought in to our home; I can't tell you what a physical and financial blessing that is! Also included in my ever-growing list of angels are those individuals who make my vitamin c infusions happen: Nurse Beth, Dr. Hassid, and several drivers who rearrange their schedules to fit me in. I love you all!

Junior High Reunion

2011-02-11T21:51:00.000-08:00

To all you ladies who made the flight/drive out for a girls' weekend, THANK YOU! It was just like old times...with the exclusion of myself, everyone is as beautiful and charismatic as ever! We spent several hours catching up at my place, then visited Chakra's Spa for massages, facials, and pedicures. The night completed with long-awaited for dinner at BJ's. I felt so loved. Just wish I wasn't fighting fatigue and pain the whole time. If I seemed to be more of a bystander than participant, I hope you understand the reasoning. Love you girls!

Simi Guests visit Coloma

2011-01-31T21:54:00.000-08:00

Tess Loses Her Wisdom (Teeth)

2011-01-21T09:13:00.000-08:00

The New Do

2011-01-19T21:00:00.000-08:00

Before jumping in the shower tonight, Eric teased me, "You have the worst hair." Boy, was he wrong. Check out what I looked like a half hour later. Today was my tenth and final day of radiation. I kept thinking (hoping) the doctors would be wrong and I wouldn't lose my hair again, but guess I'm not so lucky. Here we go again. What's hilarious is the mullet in back that, at least so far, hasn't fallen out. Maybe by summer I'll have beach babe hair? Alright, just hair would be fine with me.

more weekend pics

2011-01-12T15:23:00.000-08:00

Hedbanz game

Dad, Mom

Tiff

Thanks for the lift

Heather, Serena

Mom always smiling

Heather

nice profile, Nate...haha

Serena,April

wake up, Serena

Serena, Kambria

Leyna Lou-Who

Bri, Kami, Tiffany

Nate, Leyna, April

Beauty Queen

Tiff, Heather

Serena, Bri, Tiff

Boulter Family Visits

2011-01-08T15:06:00.000-08:00

Radiation in Process

2011-01-07T16:09:00.000-08:00

Radiation to come

2011-01-04T20:57:00.000-08:00

I haven't kept you in the dark so far and hesitate to now with all the questions I'm getting.

So you all read my latest scan results, but if you're like us, you're not sure exactly what that meant. Eric and I visited with my oncologist who said, essentially, my brain is racing against my body. If I do no more treatment of any kind, I'm looking at weeks of life. If I do whole brain radiation successfully, he hopes I'll be around in three months. When we met the radiation oncologists, they were more optimistic in saying that if the body remained stable with successful radiation, we're looking more at six months of life. According to them, chemotherapy would be futile, so they would turn me over to hospice care after that.

The ugly truth is that the tumors are quickly growing in the brain. Because of the skull, there's no place for the brain to shift except to herniate down the spinal canal--painful and fatal. So...brain radiation starts tomorrow, every day for ten days, in hopes that if any tumors advance quicker, they'll be in the body rather than brain.

Such news is overwhelming, but our family has been blessed with a peace and understanding that I imagine is reserved for families in such circumstances -- certainly feelings that I didn't have until a couple months ago. (And this change of heart and mind is, I think, a miracle in itself because I know that I couldn't feel the way I do without divine intervention.) For the past couple years the kids knew death was a likely outcome from this disease, but given a short guesstimated timeline really hit them. When we talked it over, the kids expressed their sadness, but comfort in knowing families are forever. Their greatest concerns dealt with their care and security. "Who will take care of us? Will Dad get remarried? Will Grandma stay here?" All questions we still don't have sure answers to, but we can guarantee they'll be loved and cared for.

We still have hope and knowledge that, with the Lord, I can be healed. However, it would be foolish of us to not prepare for the alternative since we don't know God's long-term plan for me. Writing letters, making serious decisions, etc...

To end on a positive note, I have an amazing doctor in Davis who has offered encouraging words and help. He asked me how I felt. I said I still feel the same with very little pain. If I still feel good, why would I stop fighting for life? he asked. Good point. He is helping me by increasing my vitamin c infusions quantities and frequency, and whatever else he can. We were confused about what to do, but when the doctor came a callin' with a plan, we jumped on board! Time will tell, but we're along for the ride and doing all we can.

Happy New Year!

2011-01-04T08:59:00.000-08:00

No better way to bring in the new year than with old friends.

(more pics to come)

Prepare for the worst, Hope for the best

2010-12-27T11:45:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to convey to you all that we are preparing for all circumstances and hoping for the best. The conflict comes when we realize that we often don't know what's best for us, but surrendering to the Lord's will is freeing and peaceful. The holidays have been fun and relaxing. We're enjoying every day, as each one is a blessing. I hope you all are doing the same, and find comfort that comes from trusting in the Lord.

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-26T08:59:00.000-08:00

We got to enjoy a crab feed and dance-off at the Abel's for Christmas Eve, Presents and breakfast at home Christmas morning, followed by a delicious prime rib dinner at the Haar's. Glad to have Grandpa join us this year!

Coach Brandt

2010-12-22T21:47:00.000-08:00

Junior teacher to all of us girls and volleyball coach to most of us, Becky stopped in for a visit and even joined us for a fancy, fabulous outing at Chuck E. Cheese.

Thanks, Brandt for supporting our family in multiple ways. We love you.

Scan Results from 12/20/10

2010-12-22T05:52:00.000-08:00

"Are you sitting down?" is what my oncologist first asked when he called to share the results of Monday's scans. Unfortunately, not the news we hoped for. The cancer's spreading so much that chemo and vitamin c infusions (so far) are not working. Previous lesions on my lungs have doubled in size with innumerable new ones. Same goes for the liver and other places in my abdomen. That's the good news. Bad news is that several new tumors in my brain have developed in addition to the previously growing ones there, too. So..unless the brain is controlled there's nothing more my oncologist can see helping since very little penetrates the blood/brain barrier. Another emergency meeting with a radiologist to discuss options is next.

I just want you all to know how grateful I am for all the ceaseless love and support. It continues to lift us and bring peace into our home. We are grateful for the miracle of life every day. More than two years at this point to enjoy my family since an awful diagnosis, and with many serious bumps along the way, is a miracle in itself. We have seen blessing upon blessing. We have seen our children learn valuable lessons of service from each of you. We have watched their testimonies strengthen as they develop an understanding and acceptance of death, the resurrection, and eternal life. What comfort we receive and enjoy in our home from the spirit that accompanies the Holy Ghost. He lets us know that Heavenly Father is watching over us and that His plan for us will bring the greatest happiness even when we don't understand it now.

Celebrating the birth of our Savior, whose life and Atonement offers the opportunity for us to repent and reunite with Him, brings tears of joy. Never before have I been more grateful for the knowledge of eternal families, and that we will all be reunited after this life -- that knowledge is a gift from God that brings more peace than anything else could at this time, not knowing what the future holds for me.

I love you,
Bri

Florida Adventure

2010-12-22T05:14:00.000-08:00

Many of you know that, thanks to the efforts of Mom and friend, Kimberli, The Dream Foundation and Miracles of Love granted our family the opprtunity to spend last week in Florida, visiting Universal Studios and the Disney parks. To top it off, we got to stay at the Nickelodeon hotel which was icing on the cake for the kids. Even though it was windy, freezing, and rainy at times, they were able to swim in a hot pool at night and loved the themed environment. I never foresaw all the expenses it would require to go on such a trip, given that flights, hotel, and parks were paid for. So many chipped in to help cover costs of a rental car, gas, wheelchair, fod, and souvenirs. I tried to get thank you notes to most, but I know that some were reached. Please know that our hearts are touched for being able to offer the kids the best Christmas of their lives. We are so honored to be recipients of your love!

A trip to Florida brought a close to our 2010 year,

Staying at the Nickelodeon hotel just adding to the kids’ cheer.

We never did get gooey and slimed,

Bur here’s a recap of our days, one park at a time.

The Animal Kingdom should never be missed;

Not with shows like The Lion King and Finding Nemo on the list.

Though the Tree of Life was an amazing sight,

The safari we went on brought the greatest delight.

Lots of animals, including baby elephants, gazelles, and giraffes

All described by a tour guide who brought many laughs.

Universal Studios’ Islands of Adventure came next

Where it’s much too difficult to say which part was the best.

Harry Potter’s school of wizardry is very well done,

But the Spiderman ride was just as fun.

Walking through Toon Town and Dr. Seussland is great

And The Grinch Who Stole Christmas performance was absolutely top rate.

The Incredible Hulk coaster is a personal fave,

Deserving much attention—it’s worth all the rave!

With the joys of Epcot came a bit of rain

But we were determined—“Rain or shine, we are stayin’.”

From the past to the future, we rode into time

Realizing how a great invention can make life turn on a dime.

Captain EO saved the world with dance moves unparalleled,

Then we soared over California’s landscape by parasail.

The greatest of Epcot was experienced at nightfall

Where visiting countries ‘round the world, we had such a ball!

Shopping in Germany, Norway, Japan, and France

Dining in Morocco, our senses were enhanced.

The best (but coldest) fireworks display ended our day.

Off to Nickelodeon for a warm place to stay.

At the Magical Kingdom, we loved Space Mountain;

Loved it so much we rode again and again!

We stood in line after line, patiently waiting our turns,

And even helped Buzz Light-year shoot the evil Emperor Zurg

Mickey gave us a warm, gentle hug,

And the kiss from Minnie, Eric totally dug.

Record 35 degree weather made the day rather cold

We were one family of many to whom hot cocoa was sold.

We raced down the Speedway at the close of our day.

Then sped to the car in the wheelchair, past crowds on the way.

This was such an unforgettable week.

Our hearts are touched far more than we can speak.

Disney IS a place where dreams came true

Thanks to generous people like you!

Dance, Dance, Dance

2010-12-21T06:02:00.000-08:00

Okay, cousins, this post is for you so you can see Kade & Kami's dance moves. They've had a lot of fun dancing at school and in the Sing & Dance company.

Gilbert High School Volleyball Team Rocks!

2010-11-30T15:45:00.000-08:00

The Gilbert High School volleyball team in AZ (my alma mater), on the first night of State Championship Finals, was honoring me in AZ. These sweet girls, who don't even know me personally, wore specialized t-shirts they designed, made me the following video, and donated the proceeds of the evening to our medical bills. Isn’t that amazing? I had NO idea and was speechless to learn of their support and love. How can I think about not fighting when I think of them fighting for me. THANK YOU, ladies. You motivate me to be a better person. (and great job at winning 2nd in State!!)

Thanksgiving

2010-11-26T17:19:00.000-08:00

I wasn't a very good photographer on Thanksgiving. I think I took for granted that everyone was visiting for several days and just kepr procrtastinating until it was too late. Lots of family, lots of food, lots of fun -- just the way Thanksgiving should be. The day after Thanksgiving was a fun-filled girls' day out: breakfast, movies, shopping, pedicures, dinner. We need more days like that!

Too Much Information?

2010-11-24T16:02:00.000-08:00

If not for my faith, I seriously would have thought that I was dying this weekend. Upon being disconnected from my FOLFIRI chemo on Friday, they infused me for another hour with a new drug, Vectibex, that’s supposed to enhance the effectiveness of chemo. Boy, did it do a number on me. I couldn’t keep anything down that I tried to get into my system, and I was so constipated that I couldn’t get anything out that was previously there. Get this…I drank two cups of laxative tea (threw it up), drank two tablespoons of milk of magnesia (threw it up), took 4 co-lace/stool softeners (threw ‘em up), used two fleet enemas (fissures and hemorrhoids made them too painful to withstand. Believe it or not, I lost 12 pounds within 24 hours and was drastically weak and dehydrated. My friend, Cindy Flaschner, drove up with her daughter, Emily, for the weekend from Simi Valley. Being the best hostess ever, I was curled up in fetal position on my floor and tried to talk but couldn’t. I hate for people to see me weak so had to ask her to leave. L She took Kami with her to a hotel and the three girls played for a couple days. Cindy, I insist on a redo visit! Thank you for being soooo understanding and helpful! You are a tremendous friend!

Finally, at 7 pm, I knew something had to be done or I was going to have to go to the hospital. Eric and Larry gave me a priesthood blessing for healing. For those not familiar with priesthood blessings, it’s a very special blessing given by men in our church who worthily hold the priesthood. They lay their hands on my head and offer a special prayer inspired by God. No matter your faith, the facts are facts. Within five minutes of the blessing, I had runny stool. I fell asleep for an hour and woke with an urgent need to empty my bowels, so to speak. I hobbled as quickly as I could to the bathroom, but just before entering the toilet room (though safely in the bathroom), my bowels released on their own. My pants and socks filled with the “runs.” Yep, 31 years old and I crapped my pants. Being the best husband in the world, Eric cleaned everything! He must love me.

Then, Leyna came to me saying she needed to pee, but didn’t want to because she felt like she had a reflection and it hurt. I realized she meant to say infection, so smugly old her to go before she peed her pants then to take a warm bath with me. She was so afraid of the pain; she didn’t go until she ended up peeing all over the boys’ bathroom floor. Low and behold, Gavin waited too long to pee and when he went to relieve himself and saw Leyna’s urine on the floor, he didn’t want to use his bathroom. So he hobbled down the hall to the girls’ bathroom, peeing all the way. Again, Eric cleaned it all up. He came in to me and asked, “How does our 6 year old pee his pants?!” “Can’t ask me,” I replied, “your wife just pooped her pants.” It was disgustingly comical.

Monday night, my friend Tanja and her kids walked in with bags of groceries. While the kids played and I layed lifeless on the couch, Tanja made us a big pot of broccoli/potato/carrot/cheese soup and a batch of bran muffins. How fortunate are we to have such great friends?

Tuesday, Larry and Kaden drove me to my vitamin c infusion appointment in Davis. I felt a bit better for a couple hours, fell asleep, then woke up nauseas and sick again. I’ve been living off zofran. Threw up Tuesday night but have kept everything down today. Doc gave me aloe pills to help with constipation and those seemed to work great today. Now we’re eagerly awaiting the arrival of the Raymond family and Mark, Lori and Jaydin. Lokking forward to a great Thanksgiving!

Soul Providers

2010-11-17T13:37:00.000-08:00

I'm sure anyone going through long-term medical care can relate to the warmth I feel for nurses and doctors. There are so many others I wish to add, but here are some the three nurses who administer my chemo every other week. Though they have families and health obstacles of their own, they never fail to come into work and lift my spirits. Thank you, Jayne, Mary & Teri.

And this is part of the staff at the Institute for Restorative Health -- Sarah, Beth who administers my vitamin c infusions, and the best doctor ever, Dr. Hassid

E-stim

2010-11-17T13:05:00.000-08:00

Several times a day I get to use the estim unit to activate the muscles in my foot and hand. It feels so good to stretch those muscles without my hand. And I promise I'm not being vulgar...I have no control over the way my fingers raise.

Neupogen Shots...A Family Affair

2010-11-14T07:51:00.000-08:00

Many of you have heard me talk about my butt-gut. Here's the proof. After cutting vertically through my stomach a couple times, I herniated and gained weight around the incision--thus the butt-gut. It is what it is. I'm too sexy for my shirt! haha Obviously I have no shame anymore...my vanity's almost gone...maybe. Here's Kami giving me my injection and Kaden squeezing my excessive "skin." Now the kids argue over who gets to poke me each morning. If nothing else, Kami's now interested in becoming a nurse. :)

Medical Update

2010-11-14T07:43:00.000-08:00

I receive so many loving messages of support. Please know I love you all immensely and that your faith increases my own. Without the use of my left hand, it takes me a while to chicken-peck the keyboard and I fail to respond as much as I'd like. All I'd like to say can't easily be conveyed in words so I often absorb the spirit of the writings and negclect to respond.

That said, I want to bring you up to speed on treatments. A few weeks ago I started going to an amazing neurologist whose practice is a perfect blend of medical treatment and naturopathic care. I'm so excited about his services that I want to throw out the toxic chemo treatments altogether, though he doesn't recommend it quite yet. Twice a week, I receive vitamin c intravenously and have started taking several supplements. I feel great after the treatments! Doc suggests I continue chemo to utilize it as a jumpstart to killing cancer cells, then wean off of it as results show I don't need it. My next scans are the week of Christmas, so if my body can sustain it, I'll receive three more chemo treatments. I can do it, I can do it, I think I can, I think I can, I hate it, I need it, you've done 27 sessions already-just suck it up and get through it, but it's so miserable and literally killing me, just do it....these are my daily thoughts. Today I feel good, though, and am re-energized for a good fight.

Every other week I have chemo, which you know is three days of infusion. On my off chemo weeks, I have to give myself neupogen injections to bring up my white blood cell count in order to be treated the following week. My body is just not rebounding like it used to. If the cancer doesn't kill me, the chemo certainly will if we give it enough time.

And because the Lord apparently knows I can handle it, though some days I'm not too sure, I deal with the repercussions of the stroke. This includes two days of physical and occupational therapy a week, and if I can muster up the energy, at-home therapy for 1-2 hours each day.

Between blood work, treatments, and therapy, I have 2-3 appointments a day, which is why life would be impossible if it weren't for Mom and Joan living with us for weeks to months at a time and helping with the kids and household chores. Just when I think I can't handle anymore challenges, I'm proved wrong, just as when I think I can't be loved or love anymore, my heart continues to swell. It's a wonder my left breast isn't considreably large than my right as a result. heeheehee

We read in the Book of Mormon in 2 Nephi 25:23, "...for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do." Now that I'm trying a more holistic approach, after giving western medicine it's time, I believe I'm doing all I can do. And in Ether 12:6 we read that "...ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith." My faith is being tried and tested. If I pass the test and if it be God's will, I know I must have a miracle waiting for me.

Ryan

2010-11-13T16:40:00.000-08:00

Ryan is Eric's childhood friend from San Diego, and the best friend anyone could ask for. I want to show you a little bit of his "fun-filled" visit, from which we all benefited and appreciate tremendously.....

Ryan baking homemade cinnamon rolls

Ryan cleaning

Ryan making butternut squash soup after a day of baking banana bread

Ryan doing dishes

Ryan cleaning oven

Ryan being okay with our boring household

Little Buds now Big Buds

Playtime

2010-11-13T16:28:00.000-08:00

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Daddy Dogpile!

Grandma Joan filling in for Grandma Teri this month. Can't function without you; so glad you're here!

Soccer Game Concession Stand

Chef Leyna returned from preschool in time to make jello and hard-boiled eggs with Grandma

Happy Birthday, Mom!

2010-11-13T16:23:00.000-08:00

No one would guess you're 58! Hope I age as beautifully as you.

Happy 37th Anniversary, Mom & Dad

2010-11-13T16:21:00.000-08:00

Halloween

2010-11-13T16:18:00.000-08:00

We love Halloween!

Kaden the Reaper

Kami the Skeleton Bride

Anakin Gavin

Leyna, AKA Barbie in the Fashion Fairytale

Watch out, Barbie!

Come Back Soon, Kasey.

2010-11-13T16:08:00.001-08:00

Once my YW, always my girl!

Trunk or Treat night

Kasey & Kami on rainy night

Soccer girl Kasey & Leyna

Simi Visitors

2010-11-05T17:11:00.000-07:00

What a wonderful surprise to have Tiffany and Martha join the Speases, Prevosts and Steenes for a day of cooking and friendship! If it warms my kitchen, you know it warms my heart! The only complaint I had is that their stay was so short. The whirlwind visit made us homesick for our Simi family.

Tiff, Bre, Bri, Marcella, Margaret, Martha

Aubrey, Bob, Margaret

Rob & Breanne

Relay for Life

2010-10-27T02:35:00.000-07:00

Do we have the best friends, or what? Thank you, Cindy and Emily, for dedicating your walk to me. What a beautiful surprise!

Chalkbot Message

2010-10-23T14:05:00.000-07:00

I wanted to post a reminder of Eric's finding in France this summer. Through Lance Armstrong's Livestrong Foundation Eric went online and submitted a message, unbeknownst to me, to be printed on the streets of France during the tour this summer. Consider three weeks worth of riding all over France with continuous messages on the roads. There was no way of knowing if or where a requested message might be printed. Eric didn't even get to ride on all the streets so the odds that he'd come across his submitted message wasn't very likely. Low and behold, though, on the last day with his tour group, he decided to do a final ride to absorb all he could of the Pyrenees. His finding was a small miracle in itself.

"Take a Deep Breath"

2010-10-23T13:34:00.000-07:00

Yesterday's solicitation for fasts and prayers on Sunday have brought an onslaught of emails and facebook postings sharing extraordinary support. The kind words and testimonies had me in tears as I tried to explain that if I were to pass sooner rather than later, it would okay. Though it's not what I want or am praying for, we could all know with thousands of fasts and prayers that it really was God's will and my time to work elsewhere. (In fact, it's a little morbidly exciting to ponder what it'd be like -- if I can spy on you all. The Lord knows I love reality tv and would like to be a fly on your walls. hahaha)

But to the point of my writing...my heart was so softened by messages that I was sobbing. Four year old Leyna said, "Mom, take a deep breath." Mom and I lost it -- it was hilarious, but just what I needed.

Like Mom said of Tiff growing up, Leyna can really set the tone in our family.She has the ability to draw out deep emotion in everyone, be it anger, peace, or laughter. Our little angelic devil.

Will you fast?...an email from my Dad and me...

2010-10-22T17:40:00.000-07:00

An invitation to Bri’s family and friends . . .

Fri., Oct. 22, 2010

We’re in quite a predicament. I’m supposed to take chemo every two weeks. Unfortunately, my white soldier cell and platelet counts are too low to sustain the dreadful, yet life-sustaining chemo. We saw how much the cancer spread after a month of no treatment, so I told him I still want to be as aggressive as possible. In more or less words, doc confessed that he does not expect me to live longer than six months, so while we want to be aggressive, he wants me to have a good quality of life – not living the remainder of my days nauseous and sick.

I’m not upset at him for sharing such news. He was being forthright like I asked of him and could only speak from his experience. Though a seasoned oncologist, he’s never had a colon cancer patient survive more than six months once the disease has spread to the liver and lungs, not to mention the bones and brain as is my case. I am excited to be his first patient to blow that timeline away!

Yep, it’s time for THE miracle and we’re calling in all forces to plead for a full recovery soon. Let us all rely on one another’s faith, not faltering, and show the doctors that, with God, anything is possible!

Will you join us for a day of fasting and constant prayer this Sunday?

Deepest gratitude and overwhelmingly love for all!

Bri

- - - - - -

This Sunday, as your circumstances permit, we invite you to participate with us in a special fast in behalf of Bri, Eric and the children. As her parents, Teri and I feel we’re on the brink of a miraculous event in Bri’s life -- fulfillment of priesthood and Fathers’ blessings. We recognize that we don’t control God’s timing. Having felt prompted to do so, through this special fast and continued faith and prayers we desire to express our humble faith and trust in Him and pray that we may be found worthy to witness and testify of that which is to come. We also fervently pray for gifts of the Spirit to be evidenced -- faith to be healed, faith to heal, and the working of miracles.

Where circumstances allow, we also invite you to attend a temple within the next few days to perform any service and to place Bri and Eric’s names on the prayer rolls.

For friends and family who may not have received my e-mail earlier this week, I’ve attached a copy of a talk given in 1953 by Elder Matthew Cowley of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. Please read and ponder it, praying for similar faith and miracles at this time.

We gratefully acknowledge continued acts of kindness, thoughtfulness, fasting, prayer and temple worship with Bri, Eric, the children and Teri in your hearts and minds. Thank you.

Below, I share some scriptural passages that have been on my mind for quite some time. The last passage, Acts 3:1-13, has rested with me in a powerful manner for several weeks.

We love and appreciate you.

Rick

Mosiah 24:16

And it came to pass that so great was their faith and their patience that the voice of the Lord came unto them again, saying: Be of good comfort, for on the morrow I will deliver you out of bondage.

D&C 24: 13

Require not miracles, except I shall command you, except casting out devils, healing the sick, and against poisonous serpents, and against deadly poisons . . .

Morm. 8: 24

(For enhanced understanding of the phrase “in his name,” I suggest study of a book authored by Elder Dallin H. Oaks, “His Holy Name,” printed by Deseret Book.)

And he knoweth their prayers that they were in behalf of their brethren. And he knoweth their faith, for in his name could they remove mountains; and in his name could they cause the earth to shake; and by the power of his word did they cause prisons to tumble to the earth; yea, even the fiery furnace could not harm them, neither wild beasts nor poisonous serpents, because of the power of his word.

The entire chapter of Morm. 9

John 14: 12

. . . He that believeth on me,

the works that I do shall he do also; and

greater works than these shall he do;

because I go unto my Father.

Acts 3:

1 Now Peter and John went up together into the temple at the hour of prayer, being the ninth hour.

2 And a certain man lame from his mother’s womb was carried, whom they laid daily at the gate of the temple which is called Beautiful, to ask alms of them that entered into the temple;

3 Who seeing Peter and John about to go into the temple asked an alms.

4 And Peter, fastening his eyes upon him with John, said, Look on us.

5 And he gave heed unto them, expecting to receive something of them.

6 Then Peter said, Silver and gold have I none; but such as I have give I thee:

In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth rise up and walk.

7 And he took him by the right hand, and lifted him up: and immediately his feet and ankle bones received strength.

8 And he leaping up stood, and walked, and entered with them into the temple, walking, and leaping, and praising God.

9 And all the people saw him walking and praising God:

10 And they knew that it was he which sat for alms at the Beautiful gate of the temple: and they were filled with wonder and amazement at that which had happened unto him.

11 And as the lame man which was healed held Peter and John, all the people ran together unto them in the porch that is called Solomon’s, greatly wondering.

12 ¶ And when Peter saw it, he answered unto the people, Ye men of Israel, why marvel ye at this? or why look ye so earnestly on us, as though by our own power or holiness we had made this man to walk?

13 The God of Abraham, and of Isaac, and of Jacob, the God of our fathers, hath glorified his Son Jesus . . .

Childhood Friends

2010-10-22T17:28:00.000-07:00

The greatest of friends are those who you can be separated from for years and yet, whenever you meet up, it's as if no time has passed. Camille, thanks for driving 4 hours to spend an hour laughing and crying with me. I love you.

Serena Visits from Oklahoma

2010-10-21T13:22:00.000-07:00

We had such a great time with Serena! She spoiled us all rotten, though, with food and gifts. Besides the gift of her time, my favorite of her gifts was a foot orthotic that I put in my shoes and tie around my calf thatenables me to walk a thousand times better! Serena, I can't thank you enough!

The morning of my colonoscopy -
Poor Serena had to put up with my delirious demands and statements while sedated. Let it be known, though, that I warned her before going in that I always wake up from sedation either mad or sad. I fear I was more on the mean side this time: I demanded to know why I had to wake up, demanded to go to the bathroom where Serena had to dress me, and kept asking for my Twix bar all day (obviously chocolate is often on my mind). The sedative was so strong that I literally slept the day away and got up for dinner, then was still able to sleep through the night.

Picking mini pear-apples
Goofy Leyna. We made a pear-apple pie and Mom pureed most the fruit and dehydrated it to make fruit roll-ups that the kids can't get enough of

Bishop's Pumpkin Farm

2010-10-21T13:08:00.000-07:00

just for fun

2010-10-21T13:01:00.000-07:00

Hooray for Clean Colons!

2010-10-12T05:42:00.000-07:00

After yesterday's colonoscopy, we’re celebrating the great news of normal results! I wish I could have celebrated more yesterday, but I was under such heavy sedation that I could hardly open my eyes all day, and in fact didn't wake up until dinner time and continued to feel drugged through the night. I remember bits and pieces of the morning, but not much. Every two seconds, I was falling back into such a deep sleep that I’d have a vivid dream, and then be abruptly woken by the nurse or Serena, who was my chaperone for the day, saying I had to wake up. I was so frustrated at not being able to sleep! I recall trying to reply or comment on things in my dreams or reality but couldn’t muster the strength for it. Indeed, I was trapped in my body. Why people intentionally drug themselves is beyond me!

Many people told me they were fasting and praying for this tender mercy of good news. To all of you, I LOVE YOU!!! And for all the wonderful individuals in our new ward family who don't even know me, but have brought in meals and flowers, my heart is filled with gratitude for you. The Lord continues to let us know that He's watching over us by sending supportive angels like all of you into our lives.

Visitors

2010-10-04T05:55:00.000-07:00

This weekend was great with visits from Val & Cheri; Gena, Justin & Morgan; and Kristi. Friends are friends forever!

Me, an Author?

2010-09-29T13:51:00.000-07:00

You’ve Benn Served, written by Briana Stephen. What do you think? So many have prompted me to write a book, and I’m considering it – just waiting for the happy ending. I like this title, because it has a two-part meaning: I can focus on the trial with which I’ve been served/sentenced and then the service I’ve been given to help me get through it. Yea or Nay?

Not Yet

2010-09-28T14:14:00.000-07:00

Well...we were so hoping for clean scans last week, but unfortunately that's not to be yet. It seems taking a month off chemo really does make a big difference. To give you an idea....besides the brain tumors, the last scans showed just two small spots of cancer -- one in the sternum, the other in my pelvic region.

Today we learned the cancer has spread to my femur bone, both sides of my pelvic bones, an area in my ribs through to my back, liver, several tiny spots on my lungs, and larger masses in the bladder and vaginal canal. Guess what this means? You guessed it -- back on chemo! And to top it all off, the last type of chemo supplement available to me will cause a facial and chest rash, much like horrible acne for which I'll have to take additional medication. Apparently the Lord's trying to strip me of all my vanity! :)

The fight persists, as does our call for continued prayers. We are relying on all of you! Thanks for continual faith and support! WE LOVE YOU!

An Important Reminder

2010-09-21T00:25:00.000-07:00

I've reached an all-time low for me. I promised I'd never ask the question 'why' to Heavenly Father, knowing that all trials will serve a purpose in due time. Yet, I cried for over an hour to the Lord the other night, pleading for a miracle for my body to be restored to full health immediately. I questioned why Peter was able to walk on water when I couldn't walk on carpet, why Moses could part the Red Sea when I can't even do my laundry, why, when Lazarus could be brought back from the dead, my left side continues to be limp, why so many were and are quickly healed but not me. I know the Lord can heal me completely in the twinkling of an eye. Not "why me?", but "why so long?" What more do I need to learn?

And then it hit me...we are all in training for greatness. The lesson we had Sunday about having faith in Christ couldn't have been more timely. "We can ... increase our faith by praying to Heavenly Father about our hopes, desires, and needs (see Alma 34:17-26). But we must not suppose that all we have to do is ask. We are told in the scriptures that “faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone” (James 2:17). " This message is an important one to grasp. Why is it important to show works in conjunction to our faith? I believe a large part is for our training -- God wants to prove to us the greatness we all have inside -- to overcome the most difficult trials with His help.

When I prayed for a quick miracle the other night, I had the feeling that I was not going to be granted that desire, but I also had the peaceful feeling that all would be okay. I know I have a tough road ahead of me with physical therapy, but like the saying goes, "I never said it would be easy; I only said it would be worth it."

Our kids are the Best!

2010-09-20T00:49:00.000-07:00

Just want to take a minute to brag about my kids. With all they're facing with a new home, new friends, my handicaps and their added responsibities as a result, they've not compained at all! True, they miss their friends in Simi (as do we all) and would rather play than work; but they see that I need help and are right there for me! Kaden often walks slowly down the stairs to help me, Leyna helps stretch my arm out as I walk, Kami rubs my shoulders, and Gavin gives me affection galore when no one is watching. ;-). We're undergoing hair curling training, washing machine and dish washing training, and adding more chores than ever. So far, no complaints. Am I blesssed , or what?

I asked the kids if my walking funny embarrassed them. Unanimously, they looked at me like I was crazy.

Walking (hobbling) in the mall one night, though, Gavin said, "Mom, why are you walking like that? I'm going to try it." He proceeded to try, but to no avail. I just laughed and said, "Now you know how I feel. I can't walk like you!"

It helps to laugh at the situation. My arm is bent at the elbow with my fingers curled in. Eric asked me one night, “What do you want?” “What do you mean?” I replied. He said. “Your arm is always out like you’re looking for a handout.” We laughed hard over that. My wonderful friend, Marci, said I should be a pirate for Halloween since I walk like I have a wooden leg that swings around to move forward. Pitiful, but true.

We've Arrived

2010-09-17T16:46:00.000-07:00

Here are a few snapshots of our Roseville home. We love it. One week here, and so far so good. A huge thanks to the large help we received on both ends of the move, packing/loading and unpacking/unloading. We certainly couldn't be enjoying ourselves now had it not been for you! The ward has been welcoming, schools are great, and all the shopping you could ever want is within 3 miles of our home, which is a nice change. Eric's ready to get out in the field and get to work. The kids are eager to make friends, and me...well, I'm on an emotional rollercoaster -- for the most part elated by our blessings, then one minute so saddened by my physical limitations, and then frustrattion fed. I've learned that I don't have much patience for personal weakness.

I definitely find myself longing for the way things used to be, longing to care for my family, home, church callings, and still get in a marathon trainig run! Now I can't get dressed, tie my shoes or open a jar of peanut butter alone. Woe is me. I'm sorry for my pity party; it's unacceptable. Scans this week determine future chemo treatments, so fingers are crossed. I'm struggling so much dealing with the stroke that I don't know how I can face the sickness of chemo, as well.

B.O.O.T. Camp (Building Our Own Testimonies)

2010-09-15T01:25:00.000-07:00

Though camp in Mammoth Lakes may have been my demise and trigger for the stroke, I am grateful to have been a part of a wonderful camp experience! My heart was overflowing with love at testimony meeting, and it was a powerful thing to watch the support and encouragement the young women gave one another to help each other overcome hard things throughout the week. Definitely, my favorite girls camp ever.

Mountain Biking

Hot Springs

Skits

Adventure Races

Rock Climbing

Devil's Postpile

Rainbow Falls

Beautiful Lakes

Row Boating

Tent Stories & Songs

After Stroke (stuck in chair) with Bishop & Cori

Happy 6th Birthday, Gavin

2010-09-14T00:36:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, we didn't have friends to throw a party with, but it worked out nicely that Gavin's first day of school here was his birthday. He was able to share ring pops with his classmates and was accepted by all. Yay! We also celebrated with family at Chevy's. The night of his birthdy he didn't want to go to sleep, because he didn't want to wake up to a non-birthday day.

and here's Princess Leyna and HighnessGrandpa?

Tour de France

2010-09-02T21:29:00.001-07:00

What do you do for someone who has supported and loved you through the thick and thin, the ups and downs, and emotionally, physically, and financially cared for you? I'm not sure, but a trip to Paris to ride the famous roads from the Tour de France was an attempt to show my appreciation to Eric. It was 7 months in the making and the following pictures don't convey but a fraction of his experiences (we have a 2 hour movie for that!) but following is a glimpse of his time in Europe, mostly in the Pyrenees, from July 12th-27th.

day 1-

Lance Armstrong

day 2-bread depot

day 2-soulor

day4- Artigue

day5- cafe watching tour with Wayne

day 10- chalkbot finding

day12 - Louvre

day 12 - Eiffel Tower

day 13- Arc de Triumph

day 3 - Col de Abisque

Grandpa visits

2010-08-30T08:54:00.000-07:00

Dad, it was great to have you out here. Kaden was right, though -- it felt like you were only here for a half hour. We were all sorry to see you leave so soon, but are grateful you made the trip even for a short weekend. And even more sorry that you're dealing with the repercussions of yet another basement flood!

For those that weren't aware, because we're moving next week, there will be a farewell gathering hosted by the Speases this Friday night from 6-9. We'd love to see you all before leaving even though we do intend on having lots of visitors up north, right?? We better not hear of friends driving through Sacramento without making a phone call! You don't want the wrath of Bri -- be very afraid -- I may come hobbling after you on my good leg and clobber you with my good hand. :0

Update

2010-08-30T08:44:00.000-07:00

Without having mobility/dexterity of my left side, it takes forever to type one-handed so I’m less motivated to get online to correspond with people and update the blog. I’m taking physical, occupational, and soon speech therapy to overcome all this. Even though I’ve already seen a bit of improvement, a full recovery may be a long road from my perspective because I’m not a patient individual. Occupational and physical therapy are good for me; though, again, I struggle with patience. I want to see results yesterday.:)I think maybe the stroke was Heavenly Father’s way of saying, “Slow down. You have more to learn. Don't be in such a rush to do what you want to do.” I know I need to start each day asking God, "Okay, I'm here and handicapped. What would you like me to learn and do today?"

After running several tests, doctors don’t know what caused the lack of oxygen to my brain. One doctor said we all took for granted that I was doing so well and not acknowledging that I still have four brain tumors and cancer in the body, so I still shouldn’t jump back into a full exercise regime. He said we probably created a perfect storm with brain radiation, chemotherapy, and a week in the mountains for girls camp at high altitude rock climbing, hiking, & mountain biking. (The stroke took place at camp.)

In the meantime, I'm not allowed to run (even if I could). It seems the most actvity my body is getting is through gaining weight, not lifting weight! haha

Health Status

2010-08-16T16:56:00.000-07:00

Went in for chemo today, but they wouldn’t treat me w/o a MRI. MRI shows no more tumor growth and very little edema (yay!), but I still have 4 small tumors. However, turns out I suffered from a stroke while at girls camp this last week. I go in for testing with a neurologist tomorrow morning to discover if stroke was caused by blood clots in neck or brain. Cancer patients have thicker blood, so it’s very likely. As for lack of mobility in my left side, it looks like I’ll have to face rehab to get back strength and functionality which appears to be getting worse by the day. So much for restarting my running career next week. All I can say is how blessed I am to have Mom’s help right now. I’m an emotional wreck which most of you have been privy to, and I apologize for my weakness that doesn’t help the situation at all. I’m pulling myself together, but I am not looking forward to the trials that lie ahead. When it rains, it pours, that’s for sure.

Deepest gratitude for your continual prayers and endless support.

I love you,
Bri

Could we live without moms?

2010-08-15T22:13:00.000-07:00

Mom, this post is a tribute to you who has proven to be the grandest of mothers in the world! Mom's not only been dishwasher, laundry maid, and babysitter; she's a woman of strength, compassion, humor, selflessness, and patience -- the ultimate peacemaker and help!

Like the debt I owe the Savior, I will never be able to repay you for your generosity and daily sacrifices you make on our behalf. You've made it possible the last few weeks for our kids to visit Sea World, several beaches, Universal Studios, La Brea Tar pits, Disneyland, and Knott's Berry Farm. It's been an amazing summer that the kids will never forget, despite my absence due to medical treatments, house hunting, and girls camp.

Mom, you mean the world to me. I couldn't have gotten through the last 2 years without you, and admire your ability to love and serve like no other! I love you!

On the road....Again!

2010-08-15T22:02:00.000-07:00

We've been here in Simi for just over 2 years now, so you know what that means.... In 12 years of marriage, we have moved every 2 years. Six houses later, we are preparing for yet another move to Roseville, CA as Eric has taken a new position for work up there. Can you believe we're packing up again? I never would have thought that the pharma industry would move us as much as the military. On to new life adventures -- because obviously we don't have enough here. ha ha

Seriously, though, we know the Lord's hand is in everything. Facing cancer, chemo, brain tumors, a stroke, physical/occupational/speech therapy, renting out our home, moving into another home, and getting our kids adjusted to a new life and school,in addition to daily household responsibilities -- all could be overwhelming to some, but angels (seen and unseen) are surrounding us and helping to manage it all. We've loved every place we've ever been, but no place conjures the warmth in my heart like Simi; a family and community that will be deeply missed.

We would be drowning in disabilities if it weren't for Mom who'll always have a permanent room in our house. :) Friends, neighbors, ward members, even strangers continually show their support through prayers and service. I'll forever be indebted to you all. Remember that and allow me to serve you whenever I can -- anything to make me feel useful and less handicapped!

To all my girlfriends out there, start saving your pennies because an annual girls trip is a must and will be happening! Sept 9th, my birthday, is our official move date. Know anyone interested in renting our Simi home? We'll be just a half hour from Tahoe, so know that our doors are always open to house anyone should you decide to vacation up north. :)

Sea World

2010-07-26T05:56:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Eric's accumulated Marriott points, we were able to get a hotel near Sea World and spend two days there. Sea World is definitely my favorite amusement park --I love watching the gracefulness of sea animals, and am always amazed at the ability they have to train and develop relationships with whales, dolphins and sea lions. Kami kisses Shamu told Mom this is the only time I'd allow her to say she looked like a whale Shamu show is awesome!

Shamu Rocks

Wild Arctic Zone Beluga Whale

Sea Lion Show Kami the Magician

my temporary new family Shipwreck Rapids at least I don't have to worry about drying my hair Journey to Atlantis, here we come! kids couldn't get enough of the Atlantis ride!

Teacups
Cirque de Le Mer (incredible strength)

Playful Dolphins

Bat Ray Exhibit

LA Zoo

2010-07-26T05:48:00.000-07:00

Yay! Mom's visiting us again.She came out to help while Eric's in Europe since I'm having two chemo treatments in his absence, but we're trying to squeeze in as much fun as we can, as well. The weather's been beautiful, but the day we opted to visit the zoo it was soooo hot -- go figure.

2010-07-17T22:51:00.000-07:00

Jurancon Winery

2010-07-14T09:43:00.000-07:00

Mammoth Lakes - 07.05.10

2010-07-07T12:36:00.000-07:00

Happy Independence Day - 07.04.10

2010-07-07T11:33:00.000-07:00

Marlee Matlin (deaf actress) is sitting behind Leyna

This moment with Deena Kastor, US Olympic Marathoner, fulfilled my entire trip! Look how tiny she is; she makes me look like a heffer. Joanne and I drove down to the Mile Race that was being put on by Deena's husband, just to meet her. We drove to the finish line area and were told we were at the wrong spot, so drove to the start area and were redirected back to the finish area --only to be told she wasn't going to run and be at the finish zone. Unfortunately, the roads were closed for the race and the parade to follow at this point, so we couldn't drive back to the start to find her. I was so disappointed! We sat at the parade and I was just joking about how maybe I could call her up and ask her to lunch when she walked right by!! I yelled our her name -- she turned around and so warmly engaged in conversation with me. I was so stupidly starstruck that I didn't get to tell her how I was there cheering her on in Boston for the Olympic Trials or how much I enjoyed her movie or how inspiring she is. Instead, she was asking me questions about my trip and what I had planned and what I should do. Anyhow, it was a great moment for me that I'll cherish.

Devil's Postpile
Kami, keep playing hard to get for another 15 years!

Easton & Wayne
Fireworks at Crowley Lake were a little disappointing, but what was lacking in entertainment we made up for in friends and fun. How lucky that we were able to be with great neighbor friends from Simi in Mammoth!

On our way home from the fireworks, we bypassed a highway that was lined bumper to bumper with cars. Leyna looked out the window at them and said, "What the hell?" "What'd you say, Leyna?" I asked. She repeated, "What the hell?" I explained how we shouldn't say that and quickly turned around to laugh silently with Eric. Seriously, how can you not love 4 year olds? Little kids are so innocently hilarious.

Mammoth Lakes - 07.03.10

2010-07-07T11:10:00.000-07:00

Bodie Ghost Town - Remmi, Kami, Jaydin
Kaden's holding up the building. Can you tell?
Old Firehouse
Mosquito Attack! We tried to take a picture, but the mosquitoes were relentless; we had to run back to our cars for safety. Unfortunately, Larry had gone back to the car through the woods to get the camera and didn't know we went back to the cars, so some were locked out of the vehicle for a while until Larry could be tracked down.
Kristi & Gary Larry & Joan Larry, Joan, Eric, Kristi Warming up after swimming in freezing June Lake June Lake

MRI Update

2010-06-29T15:29:00.000-07:00

Our brain oncologist is hesitant to title Friday night's episode as a seizure, because with that title comes a lot more testing and drugs. For now, he says everything looks really well, and I may anticipate an episode like I had once a month to once every six months, but so long as there's no twitching, it shouldn't be of very much concern.

They do not see any new tumor growth, and in fact commented that my results are some of the best he's ever encountered, especially given the number and size of tumors I had. Half he can't see any trace of, and the 3-4 he can see he says are decreasing rapidly in size. He attributes most of the success to the Gamma Knife Radiation, yet also is sure the chemo is breaking through the blood-brain barrier and attributing to the quickly diminishing tumors, as well.

How fortunate we are to be where we are in a time we are in, as firsthand witnesses to the miracles in which God's allowed us to partake. We're so blessed to have the strong faith and support of innumerable family and friends that continue to pray for us and who show up to help at a moment's notice. I pray constantly that the Lord will bless you all abundantly for your sacrifices and service. Love you!

Small Seizure & 23rd Chemo Session

2010-06-29T09:27:00.000-07:00

On Friday night, my eyes started wigging out on me. Eric sent me to the couch to lie down and relax. About 9:30 pm, the fingers in my right hand were all tingly and number. I figured my hand just fell asleep and started shaking the tingles out. Before long, the tingly numbness worked its way into my palm, my thumb, and forearm. I started testing senstivity by putting my hand in the freezer. When I couldn't feel cold from heat, I hurried up to Eric to explain what was happening. Within minutes the numbness started forming in my right eye, right nostril, right cheeck, right side of my teeth and right side of my tongue.

Eric registered the look of fear on my face immediately started calling for someone to come watch the kids so he could rush me to the ER. Fortunately, the sensations were gone within five minutes and we decided to call the nurse hotline instead. She diagnosed it as probably a TIA (or mini-stroke) but when I called the on-call neurosurgeon, he said that though it presented itself as a stroke, he was pretty sure it was a seizure. That it was some manifestation of electrical impulses from (1) tumor growth, (2) tumor development, or (3) residue left over from existing and dying tumors. We're praying for the latter. The doctor put me on 8 mg of dexamethasone (decadron) Friday night, 8 mg Saturday, and 6 mg Sunday. I really don't want to be on them any longer than I have to.

In any case, after chemo yesterday morning, I went over for a MRI. My oncologist said he's almost certain it was caused by electrical malfunctions of some sort and therefore seizure symptoms, but we'll find out more this morning after meeting with my neurologist at 10:30. We're praying also for no swelling on the brain -- the last thing I want is to have to stay on these yucky steroids that cause more harm than good to my body.

Other than that, chemo is never any fun, but I'm doing well with it this time around, too. Praying, praying I have only one more round in a couple weeks before giving my body another break.

"Baby" by Leyna

2010-06-24T16:15:00.000-07:00

I just love this. Leyna sings her heart out -- even if she doesn't know the lyrics..LOL!

Baby lyrics

Now that's a Zucchini!

2010-06-24T16:00:00.000-07:00

Check out the zucchini that grew in Kristi's friend's garden. Any guesses on how many loaves of zucchini bread I can bake with it?

Arizona 06.15.10

2010-06-18T23:01:00.000-07:00

our last day in AZ was spent at Jeepers, an indoor amusement park. Always a good time with cousins!

Arizona 06.14.10

2010-06-18T23:00:00.000-07:00

I didn't take my camera, but we all had a blast spending the day at the Mesquite Grove Waterpark in Chandler. Definitely a place we'll be visiting on our trips out there from now on!

Arizona 06.13.10

2010-06-18T22:54:00.000-07:00

The most special part of Sunday was being present for Jordyn's beautiful baby blessing! Before heading to Tiff's, April & Wes took some of the kids to the Mesa Temple. Can you believe it's been 4 years since we've seen our Texas cousins? It's about time! We sure missed you, Serena! Happy Grandkids Grumpy Grandkids Goofy Grandkids

Arizona 06.12.10

2010-06-18T22:41:00.000-07:00

Heather made a surprise visit to join the family over the weekend!! We lounged about at the Arrowhead water park. Which of these heads is not like the others? Once upon a time we looked like Heather, right???? :) April, keep working on that tan, girl! haha Peyton, Kami, Ben, Josie & Leyna lazy river with Leyna & Jagger Love my Kami (I'm working on tanning my bald, alien head) Kami, Ben, Peyton, Josie Kami levitating Kade Gavin Devin's radical bellyflop Nana's house

Devin's awesome dive!

Arizona 06.11.10

2010-06-18T22:35:00.000-07:00

The day spent at Tiff's pool.

I dyed all the grandkids' hair, including baby Ben. The kids loved it; though I'm not sure Tiff did so much -- sorry about the blue carpets. Oops.

Typical when Unlce Nate's around...kids lining up to get a piece of the action.

Peyton, Josie & Kami

Peyton, Josie, Ben & Kami

Paige & Leyna

Kami & Jordyn

Kami & Ben

Buddy, Kade & Jagger in Tiff's pool

Grandpa & Ben

Garrett, Brody, Gage, Gavin & Blake

Buddy, Kade, Jack

Brody & Gavin

Arizona 06.10.10

2010-06-18T21:49:00.000-07:00

Kaden & Ben (10 mos)

God's Rosebud

2010-06-18T21:39:00.000-07:00

A new minister was walking with an older, more seasoned minister in the garden one day.Feeling a bit insecure about what God had for him to do, he was asking the older preacher for some advice. The older preacher walked up to a rosebush and handed the young preacher a rosebud and told him to open it without tearing off any petals. The young preacher looked in disbelief at the older preacher and was trying to figure out what a rosebud could possibly have to do with his wanting to know the will of God for his life and ministry.
But because of his great respect for the older preacher, he proceeded to try to unfold the rose, while keeping every petal intact. It wasn't long before he realized how impossible this was to do. Noticing the younger preacher's inability to unfold the rosebud without tearing it, the older preacher began to recite the following poem...

It is only a tiny rosebud
A flower of God's design
But I cannot unfold the petals
With these clumsy hands of mine

The secret of unfolding flowers
Is not known to such as I
GOD opens this flower so easily
But in my hands they die

If I cannot unfold a rosebud
This flower of God's design
Then how can I have the wisdom
To unfold this life of mine
So I'll trust in God for leading

Each moment of my day
I will look to God for guidance
Each step along the way
The path that lies before me
Only my Lord knows
I'll trust God to unfold the moments
Just as He unfolds the rose

AZ Cousins Visit 06.09.10

2010-06-09T13:34:00.000-07:00

AZ Cousins Visit 06.08.10

2010-06-08T21:47:00.000-07:00

Another fun day. Peyton said it was the best day yet. After dropping Kami & Kade off at school, we drove to Somis to pick blueberries. Then off to the Thousand Oaks Mall. We picked Kade & Kami up just in time to head to the theater to watch "How to Train Your Dragon," then came home to color strips of each of the kids' hair pink, purple, or blue. We ate dinner, followed by roasting of marshmallows in the backyard, and all are sound asleep at the moment. Aaaaahh.

AZ Cousins Visit 06.07.10

2010-06-07T21:39:00.000-07:00

I went in for chemo today (22nd session, can you believe it?). Because I'm scheduled to go in for a MRI in late July, my oncologist would like me to continue chemo until then (that's two more sessions after today.) I've done it 22 times already, so what's 2 more, right? Two more weeks of misery? Fortunately, today went very well and I event felt good enough to take the family and neices bowling.

Unfortunately, I forgot my camera, but I think the kids all had a great time. The first round we played normally. The second game, I purchased some M&Ms and skittles, then assigned each color of candy to a bowling style.For instance, if they drew out a yellow candy, they had to bowl with their opposite hand, blue - backwards between the legs, brown - turn around the number of times in age that you are and then bowl, green - granny shot, red - sit down and push the ball with your feet. It was a lot of fun and they loved getting a treat to eat before each bowl.

12th Anniversary, AZ Cousins Visit 06.06.10

2010-06-06T21:20:00.000-07:00

First of all, Happy 12th Anniversary, Babe! I'm so blessed have you in my life and have no worries about our future. The Lord’s watching over and caring for all of us and He’s proven that with each step of our lives being better than the last.Imagine the stairway to heaven – it may go up and down at times, but overall, I can feel it spiraling upwards and I so look forward to taking new steps with you. 12 years down, eternity to go! I love you!

After taking Eric to the airport for a 4-day all expense paid trip to Puerto Vallarta with his friend, Marcus, I returned home to take the family to church. Always fun substituting for Eric's class...great group of kiddos.

Following church, we watched a video about President Hinckley, then went to play at Coyote Park for a while.

Mom got a little burned at the beach yesterday.

AZ Cousins Visit 06.05.10

2010-06-05T21:00:00.000-07:00

Fun day at Zuma Beach, even if it was foggy most the time....

AZ Cousins Visit 06.04.10

2010-06-04T20:57:00.000-07:00

Mom, Peyton, Natalie & Paige arrived just in time for Kami's Sky High Dance performance. (my favorite part was when Leyna danced along with the kindergartners from the side.)

A couple hours later we attended Gavin and Leyna's preschool graduation.

Wait

2010-06-04T00:06:00.000-07:00

Today, when my doctor told me that I should continue chemo for a little while longer, I was disappointed. "I'm done, so done with feeling sick," I thought to myself. So many prayers, so many pleadings for this ailment to be gone, yet here we are faced with more treatments. All I can do is wait and trust that miracles are happening within and around me every day. I was comforted to come across this poem and reread it. Hope it inspires/calms you as it does me -- what's out of our hands is in the Lord's hands. Just wait.

WAIT
Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried:
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.
I plead and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said, "Child, you must wait."

"Wait? You say, wait!" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is Your hand shortened? Or have You not heard?
By faith, I have asked, and am claiming Your Word.
My future and all to which I can relate
hangs in the balance,and You tell me to wait?
I'm needing a "Yes", a go-ahead sign,
or even a "No" to which I can resign.
And Lord, You promised that if we believe
we need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
"I'm weary of asking! I need a reply!

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
as my Master replied once again "You must wait."
So, I slumped in my chair,
defeated and taut and grumbled to God,
"So, I'm waiting...for what?"

He seemed, then, to kneel and His eyes wept with mine,
and He tenderly said "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run.
All you seek, I could vie, and please you would be.
You would have what you want - but, you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint;
You'd not know the power I give to the faint.
You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there;
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me;
When the darkness and silence were all you could see.
You'd never experience the fullness of love
as the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove;
You'd know that I give and I Save, for a start,
but you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
The flow of my comfort late into the night,
the faith that I give when you walk without sight,
the depth that's beyond getting just what you asked
of an infinite God, who makes what you have last.
You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
what it means that "My grace is sufficient for thee."
Yes, your dreams for your loved one overnight would come true,
But, Oh, the Loss! If I lost what I'm doing in you!
So, be silent, My child, and in time you will see
that the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.
And though oft' may My answers seem terribly late
My most precious answer of all is still, "Wait."

Scan Results

2010-06-03T17:58:00.000-07:00

The great news is that no cancer was detected on the scans! (Well, the radiologist reported a spot on the liver that my doctor couldn't detect on his cd, so we'll find out for sure on Monday.) If you remember, the previous scan had shown signs of cancer in my sternum and pelvic regions, so this is fantastic news! The bummer news is that my oncologist would like me to continue chemo for a bit longer. We do what we gotta do, right? (so I keep telling myself)

The torch has been passed on

2010-06-01T22:58:00.000-07:00

It has been such a privilege and honor to serve as the young women's leader the past couple years. As I told the girls on Sunday, they helped turn what could have been two of the hardest years of my life into two of the most beautiful and testimony-building years of my life. I was loved, sustained, and full of purpose every day that I could be in their presence and working for them! I never would have foreseen the day when I would willingly tell the Bishop that I may need to pass the leadership torch onto someone else, but life has come to that. I just got to the point where it didn't feel right that I couldn't give the best me to either my family or the young women; and when it comes down to the need to please, family must come first.

I'm so excited that Mama Spease will be running the program now, and look forward to watch the young women learn and flourish under her loving guidance!

(a few of the graduating laurels)

Random Photos

2010-06-01T22:34:00.000-07:00

Gypsie Lady
Basketball season comes to an end...

Kami sanding down a "sword" -- must be armed and ready for battle

Just changed the van brakes -- such a turn on (can I say that on a family blog? hee hee)

Love my kids

Leyna Leyna Leyna

2010-05-30T22:45:00.000-07:00

All that know our loveable Leyna, knows that she has no filter and says anything and everything on her mind. You also know that she loves to be heard....by everyone. So Sunday afternoon she was in the backyard swinging on the swing, singing at the top of her lungs,
"Sing, sweet Nightingale. Sing, sweet Nightingale. Aaaaa haaa aaaaa haa haaa!!" (sounded just like the stepsister on Cinderella) Then out of nowhere, to the same tune she starts shouting as loud as can be,
"Myyyy mom is bald. Myyyy mom is bald. Aaaa haaaa aaaa haaaa!!"

Eric and I were in the house listening and laughing hysterically!!
Leyna has this fascination with my baldness. Almost every morning she asks, "Mom, you're still bald?" She feels the need to tell every stranger and friend that her mom has no hair. On more than one occasion she's ripped my hat off and run away to expose my naked head in the midst of crowds of people. She has mini princess dolls whose hair can be removed and interchanged. She brought me one of her dolls the other day and said, "This one is you, Mom." Of course it had no hair at all. I think it's hilarious. I get a good giggle out of it every time I think of her innocence and obsession with the situation.

Toothfairy Visits Simi Valley!

2010-05-28T22:26:00.000-07:00

Gavin lost his first tooth today! We rented "Toothfairy" in his honor and now he's $3 richer!