Just when it was easy to believe that I was free from disease, I learned today that the mantra of “I’m cancer free” wasn’t as deeply ingrained in my train of thought after all. Though I had been experiencing hospital stays, infections and doctor visits, it was still easy to believe that my cancer was in remission when I wasn’t going in for chemo every two weeks. (I’ve had a nice reprieve since March 23rd when I underwent my 9th session of chemo.)
It took about two seconds after being stuck with the needle and smelling the familiar scent of tape and medicine to bring back a flood of emotions that I had with my first round of chemo. There I was again chatting away with the same nurses and sitting in the same leather, lazy-boy recliners, talking to other patients who were fighting their own forms of cancer. It’s a beautiful thing, though, when you can look to the person on your right or left and ask them freely, “So what cancer are you battling?” or “How long have you been at this and how’s it going?” It’s kind of an expected question in a community of individuals who, for a few hours, completely relate to one another. I’ve yet to meet another fellow patient who was down in the dumps. We’re all there with a fighting spirit, doing our time, eager to get back to our healthy lifestyles – and it’s comforting to be there with them than fighting it alone in a hospital room like so many others have to. Like I said earlier, though, when we’re communicating with one another and talking about cancer, it’s difficult to feel cancer-free.
In any case, I’m doing my best to not think about it as I have a bag of medicine attached to me for the next three days and dealing with side effects. Just 5 more sessions to go before my next scan and we’re done! I can’t thank all those enough who continue to pray, fast, cook, and babysit for me. I feel so fortunate to have such an awesome support team!
Hang in there Bri and know you are still in our prayers! I just keeping praying that this time the chemo won't be as hard on your body. Let me know if we can take the kids! We would love to have them!
ReplyDeleteI have been wondering how you have been doing. You are still always in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI can completly relate to the smells of the hosptital or clinic. I remember the smell of the soap in my bathroom at the hosptial would make me sick even before they had started the chemo. Even to this day, certain smells will bring back emotions and feelings of chemo.
You are going to do great. I love how you have such a positive fighting attitude. You will make it. Only five more! Yeah!
Love you so much Bri...Hope your taking a travel planner with you :) I'm home and ready to help whenever you need me :)
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